Learning to Be

I am the kind of person who always seems to be on a mission. From list making, planning, and doing. To constantly thinking of the next thing I think I need to accomplish. I guess I can partly blame my personality, yet I cannot use it as an excuse to not seek the change and balance I know I need in my life.

In college I had people tell me they thought that I was stuck up until they got to know me, because when I walked to class I didn’t stop to chit-chat. I was always on a mission to get somewhere, set out to do what needed to be done. Unfortunately, it also meant not taking the time to just be. Whether stopping to really find out how someone’s day was or striking up a conversation with a stranger.

I have found that this mindset transferred over to my place of work and has now seeped into my parenting. Never enough time and so much to be done. Worrying about what hasn’t been accomplished and making new lists as I drift off to sleep. Always doing and never being.

While list making and getting things done can be a positive trait it can also become a nemesis when it causes stress levels to rise and robs you of your joy. I have found myself all too often envious of my husband who will just sit and read or relax in the evening and in my mind I am thinking (and have said) there is too much to be done to just sit!!

So when Lent rolled around this year I decided that instead of trying to do everything and set unrealistic practices I would just focus on one thing, to be. To be present. To be joyful. It may sound simplistic until my feet hit the floor in the morning and I am wanted and needed.

I am learning to throw out schedules, agendas and lists and strive to focus on being present to the three most important gifts that need my attention and love. I am learning to say “wait a minute” less and “that’s a good idea, let’s do that” more.

Now at the end of Lent and days away from Easter I wish I could say I have perfected it, but in reality I am still learning. Daily striving to practice and pick up where I left off. As time seems to race by now more than ever with a newborn in the house I want to soak up each minute. Not wondering where the day went because I was consumed with household chores, but relishing in time wasted because it was spent making memories with the three that need me the most.