Just last week on the show I produce we did a segment titled “Waiting on the Lord”. I was brought into the conversation for a few minutes to share some thoughts and perspective from my own experience. Since then I have been reflecting on how the theme of waiting is truly the state of life I seem to be in at this moment.
I am not an expert on this topic by any means, especially since I could be labeled by some as impatient and lean towards having a Type A personality. We all have moments in our lives where we experience a period of waiting, sometimes short and at other times drawn out with what seems to have no end in sight. Just waiting and praying, praying and waiting. Not knowing what the outcome will be or what will happen next, but waiting on God’s perfect timing.
Reflecting on my life it is easy to recall times of waiting, from the college acceptance letter to the first job, meeting the man of my dreams to finally closing on our first house. There are also the moments of waiting that have come with much heartache and soul searching. Moments that push you to the very brim, truly test your faith and make you cry out to God. For my husband and I those moments focus around our desire to have children.
The excitement, hope and fear that comes everytime I see two pink lines on a pregnancy test, waiting and praying the baby will make it through the first trimester. Crying out to God and hoping for a miracle, yet being faced with news that once again throws you in a spiral. It’s in the moments like these that you question waiting, you begin to allow despair to creep in and wonder if your prayers are falling on deaf ears.
In struggling to get back up, persevering in prayer you begin to trust He has a plan and realize despair and discouragement is not His answer. Now as we try and journey through the adoption process and have been for over a year and a half, I daily have to fight the anxiety and fear as we wait. As this process continues to drag on with no certainty of an end in sight, I try and allow myself to be still. Trying to find hope in what seems like God’s silence, but knowing in the silence, in the wait, God is still at work in my life and changing my heart.
As one who wants to have control of my life and know what the next week and month will bring, I have found there is profound peace in letting go. Letting go of control and allowing God to work, trusting and knowing He will never abandon me.
It seems in the times of waiting, no matter how short or long, we learn to surrender, completely surrender. Trusting in a higher power far outside of ourselves, knowing there is a plan and allowing God to move.
We have prayed so many times for either the adoption to go through quickly or to fall through completely, so to have closure one way or the other. Basically praying for anything except the unknown, anything other than the wait. Still all we are met with is more waiting. There is much peace and freedom in coming to accept that right now this is God’s will. As much as we desire to have children, today and in this moment God’s will for us is waiting.
So we continue to learn and to live in the wait, to embrace what the wait brings us and teaches us. Learning to live in the moment and for today God asks us to continue to wait.
Just today Fr. Simon gave a quick explanation of why we need to live in the “now”. His thoughts somewhat parallel your blog. I needed both today. Thanks for writing this.
I am the same way in everything you described. Being under control when God is in control. Wanting answers right away and not wanting to wait. I have to say that my favorite phrase is “I pray for patience and I want it right now.” I know that God laughs at that. I have gone and am going through all the things you described from beginning of your blog to the end of your blog. Even though the end isn’t so easy sometimes it is much better than what you described at the beginning because it puts God in control and takes that burden off of us. Thank you so much for reminding me of this fact. God is so very good!
all of this waiting is so so so so hard. I can’t imagine all you have both gone through in the past year and a half, waiting in the midst of all the unkowns in the adoption process. Right now, we are re-starting our home-study. Part of me is excited, but most of me is really really scared to even hope that we might be parents some day. Also sometimes I find it tough to understand why we haven’t been able to buy a house yet…I know God is calling me to surrender more to him. Jesus I trust in you.
Thinking of you and praying for you as you re-start the process! I can relate so much to what you said about being scared to even hope you may be parents some day, that sentence struck my heart and sums up so many feelings.
I am definitely learning this lately. I was just diagnosed with a disease and am unemployed. I was also diagnosed with the mumps this week (who gets the MUMPS?). I’ll be job-searching soon. God has answered many prayers but wondering when I will have good health and when I’ll find a fulfilling job are things I’m waiting on. Reading your stories on here gives me hope. Thank you.
Prayers for you in the waiting, hoping you have good health and a job soon!