Fast forward to my 10 week ultrasound…baby looked great and the hemorrhaging looked stable, even slightly smaller. The doctors concern over it was lessened. Unfortunately, the concern would come back the following week when we thought we had lost our baby.
I woke up that morning in complete shock, trying not to think of the worse case scenario. So many images and memories from the past. I immediately text my doctor and called my husband on his way into work. My doctor instructed me to go in right away for an ultrasound, we were just praying we still had a heartbeat.
If the baby was still living I would be given a PICC line and put on bed rest for at least six weeks. As much as I dreaded the thought of all of it, I only hoped that I didn’t lose this baby. So much relief and gratitude over came me as the tech read off the heart rate and showed me pictures of my still living baby!
Yet, I was filled with mixed emotions as I knew bed rest would be the next step along with a PICC line for 10 days. Questions constantly racing through my mind. How would I care for my sons and husband, what would happen to the relationship with my sons who have only been here six months, would they understand, would they resent me, would they resent the baby, how would it change our family.
For the first time I can remember I felt like I didn’t have the strength to face the future. Physically, emotionally and mentally I felt defeated. The words kept running through my head, I can’t do this. I can’t do bed rest.
Prayers from friends and family poured in, along with so many people offering to make us meals and help out wherever needed including cleaning the house and doing laundry. With the prayers came strength. My doctor reminding me to take it day by day, grace by grace.
The police making sure I am not up and walking around. They take their job seriously!
Now three weeks into bed rest and we are adjusting to this new phase. God bless my amazing husband who has taken on many extra responsibilities and given up much of his free time, yet he never complains. Our family is incredibly blessed by his service and sacrifices made to keep the household running.
It’s so humbling how many people have made us meals and reached out to help us. In the three weeks time Aaron has not had to make dinner once. A learning process for us, realizing we can’t do everything ourselves and need the loving generosity and help from others.
In the process I gained a new set of wheels that our friends hooked me up with, which has provided a new freedom and still allows me to go places with my family. Of course the boys like to push mom around! Since I am on privileged bed rest I do not need to remain in bed, but either sitting up or laying down. It also means I am only suppose to get up to use the restroom, shower or change my sitting location.
There are still days that feel long, hard and alone, but in the scheme of things this is just a blink in time. Always remembering with every mountain we encounter God will see us through, carry us in his arms and ensure we reach the top!
I thought of Martha and Mary reading this. One of my favorite books, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. As hard as it is to want to be like Martha, what an opportunity to learn more about Mary resting at the feet of Christ. You are doing exactly what God wants…and growing a baby is work. 🙂 You are “resting” for a very important purpose. I’m sure their are sacred moments everyday as you wrote about some. It’s so good for us women to learn how to be taken care of and to have a great family and friends to do the caring. For so many it probably is a joy to serve you!
So true I am very much a Martha! There have been so many beautiful moments being forced to completely slow down and be still, including more time for prayer and snuggles with my boys!